LYRICS
Gonna Kill Myself Because of You
Gonna Throw a Party When You Die
Lightning Bolt
Mama, Get a Mammogram
Mama's On Meth
Master Cylinder
Murder Kroger
Pandamonium
She Made My Heart Walk the Plank
They Shoot Hipsters, Don't They?
Titty City
Yeah Yeah Jager
ABC
Bathroom Blitz
Bluetooth/Blackeye
Chemistry Class
Death Skull Napalm Sword
DUI
FYSU
I Lost My Black Hoodie (at the Masquerade)
Largemouth
Sock Man
Stomp and Stammer
Surfing or AIDS (I'll Take Surfing)
The Ancient Cry of the Tyrannosaur
Wasabi Mayonnaise
Zombie House
(I Wanna Get) Gay Married
Prestone Cocktail
Eat Shit and Die
I Made Out With Your Mom

Gonna Kill Myself Because of You

Baby, I can't believe you left me all alone
You really broke my heart
You left me with no choice
There's only one thing left I can do
There's only one thing left I can do

I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I'm killing myself because you broke my heart
The rest of my life is actually really great
I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I’m gonna kill myself because of you

I could shoot myself in the face (Whoa-oh!)
Or slit my wrists in the tub (Whoa-oh!)
Or stick my head in an oven (Whoa-oh!)
That’s how I’ll kill myself because of you (Yeah!)

I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I’ll say it again, make sure you understand
I’m doing this for us so maybe now you’ll love me
I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I’m gonna kill myself because of you

I could drive my car off a cliff (Whoa-oh!)
Take a whole bottle of pills (Whoa-oh!)
Maybe jump off the top of spaghetti junction (Whoa-oh!)
That’s how I’ll kill myself because of you (Yeah!)

Suicide, Baby
Killin' myself to earn your love

Put a bullet in my fuckin' head

I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I'm killing myself because you broke my heart
The rest of my life is pretty fuckin' great
I’m gonna kill myself because of you
I’m gonna kill myself because of you
and your fuckin' bullshit

Gonna Throw a Party When You Die

Everyone’s telling me
That you’re a really nice guy
I don’t give a shit
And I wish that you would die
I hate your stupid face
And the stupid things you say
Hate everything about you
And I wish you’d go away
You’re a son of a bitch
No redeeming qualities
I really hope you get
An incurable disease

I hate the way you dress
And your cocky attitude
I should pay the guy at Taco Bell
To poison your food
And when I get the news
That your life is over
I’m gonna buy 10 kegs
Invite all my friends over
We’ll laugh and drink
And have a lot of fun
All because your time on earth
Is finally done

(CHORUS)
I’m gonna throw a party when you die
Gonna get really drunk
And raise my glass high
Laughing out loud
While I toast your demise
I’m gonna throw a party
When you die

You came out of nowhere
And you ruined my life
I’m gonna throw a party
When you die

Maybe a radio
will fall in your tub
While you’re taking a bath
Rub a dub dub
Maybe run over
On the interstate
Killed on impact
Wouldn’t that be great?
I've got just one wish
For when your life ends
Come back as a zombie
I will kill you again

(CHORUS)

You came out of nowhere
And you ruined my life
I’m gonna throw a party
When you die

(CHORUS)

Yeah, you make Hitler
Seem like a nice guy
I’m gonna throw a party
When you die

Gonna Throw a Party!
Gonna Throw a Party!
Gonna Throw a Party!
Gonna Throw a Party!

The best news I could get
Would be the end of your life
Cause I'm gonna throw a party
when you die

Lightning Bolt

Lightning!
Lightning!
Lightning!
Lightning Bolt!

I was fighting an ogre king in the woods
It was just my friend Chuck but his costume sure looked good
Live action role playing, that’s how I get down
Let all the newbies know, I cast the best spells in town

(Chorus)
Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!
Summon the fury of the sky
Lightning bolt, baby! Lightning bolt!
You can keep your 20-sided die

Cause when it comes to Magic and D & D
You know that they’re just no fun to me
I need the thrill of LARP
Lightning bolt!

Tell the Orc commander I’m coming for him next
I’m going to hit him with my powerful wizard’s hex
I got no time for books and cards when I roll play
Cause I take the matter way beyond cosplay

(Chorus)

There’s no World of Warcraft on my PC
‘Cause an Elven sword is all I need
To leave your character lying in the dirt

Lightning Bolt!
Lightning!
Feel the electricity, baby!
Lightning bolt!
Lightning bolt!
Lightning bolt!
Lightning bolt!

Mama, Get a Mammogram

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck breast cancer, come on

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck breast cancer, come on

Ductal Carcinoma
Lobular Carcinoma
Fuck breast cancer, come on

Over the course of their life
One in eight women will find out
They’ve got breast cancer
You know what Attractive Eighties Women says?
Fuck that

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck breast cancer, come on

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck breast cancer, come on

Ductal Carcinoma
Lobular Carcinoma
Fuck breast cancer, come on

80% of breast cancer deaths occur in women over 50.
We need to find a cure to breast cancer.
But first, guitar solo!

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck all cancer, come on

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck all cancer, come on

Fuck skin Cancer
Fuck prostate Cancer
Fuck colon cancer
Fuck lung cancer, come on
Don’t forget about leukemia
That’s cancer of the blood, y’all
Brain tumors? Throat cancer?
You can pretty much get cancer anywhere in your body
Fuck cancer

Mama’s On Meth

I ain’t been to school in close to three weeks
No food in the fridge, dirty dishes in the sink
Social worker says we’ll end up in a foster home
Grandma can’t call, they disconnected our phone
I’m the only one here taking care of little sis
But since mama’s been tweaking, it’s been absolute bliss

(CHORUS)
My mama’s on meth
I ain’t gotta go to school
Yeah, mama’s on meth
And I think it’s so cool
Mama’s on meth
Crystal methamphetamine
Gonna be on the cover of the DFCS magazine!

For the past six months I ain’t had to do no chores
Just drive around with mama to the local drugs stores
Get all the Sudafed we can fit in the car
Between Wal-Mart and Eckerd, we ain't gotta drive far
Then it’s back to the trailer.
Cook it up all night!
Yeah mama’s on meth, but I’m doing all right.

(CHORUS)

Social worker says the state’s taking us away
Don’t like that our house is in constant disarray
Daddy left us for a waitress at the truck stop
Last time I saw him was on an episode of COPS
Mama’s bringing over new people every night
Tweekers to the left, tweekers to the right

(CHORUS)

Master Cylinder

When I wanna get drunk, get my vision blurry
No time for tiny beers, cause I’m in a hurry
I need the biggest can you got behind the bar
I need a master cylinder of PBR
The beer that placed first in 1893
By God, that makes it good enough for me
They serve it in bottles and three kinds of cans
But there’s only one size you’ll hear me demand

(CHORUS)
Master cylinder
Master cylinder
Master cylinder
Don’t want no pretender
Need a master cylinder

24 ounces is not a lot of beer
For a man like me who doesn’t know fear
I shotgun it down in one big swallow
For you amateur drinkers that’s a hard act to follow
I like drinking liquor; it suits me just fine
I got no problem with a nice glass of wine
But there’s only one thing that'll quench my thirst
The beer I mentioned in the very first verse

(CHORUS)

Pabst Blue Ribbon is my favorite kind of brew
Whenever I drink I have more than a few
In a silver can, red and blue logo
It’s the beer that taught me to drink like a pro
One day I’m gonna take the brewery tour
And see how they make this beer that I adore
When I get there I’m gonna run down the hall
Find the master cylinders and drink them all

(CHORUS)

Murder Kroger

down on ponce where the call girls roam
and the homeless trannies won't leave you alone
just a block or so past the Clermont lounge
sits the deadliest grocery store in town
it’s a good place to go if you wanna buy crack
but if you go there for groceries you may never come back

(CHROUS)
It’s murder
Murder Kroger
It’s murder
Murder Kroger

It’s a grocery store with a deadly twist
You’ll get shot in the head for your shopping list
Murder Kroger

it’s the worst place to shop in all of Atlanta
you could lose your life over twelve pack of Fanta
When you leave your car don’t forget your mace
unless you wanna be stabbed in the face
by an angry bum with a switchblade knife
I hope those hot pockets were worth your life

(CHROUS)

The odds are good you won’t come back alive
and your friends will all hear about it on Fox 5
Murder Kroger

It’s murder Kroger
It’s murder Kroger
It’s murder Kroger

Pandamonium

Ever since the zoo made their new addition, I’ve been planning a secret mission
Yang Yang and Lun Lun had a little baby girl and there’s people tuning in from all over the world
To watch the baby panda on the webcam show, but that little cub’s just a dirty pinko
Communism represents a threat to our nation, send Mei Lan on a permanent vacation

(CHORUS)
Gotta kill
Gotta kill the baby panda
Gotta kill
Gotta kill the baby panda
Gotta kill
Gotta kill the baby panda
Gotta kill
Gotta kill
the communist panda

Without the HUAC or McCarthy around, who’s gonna take these communists down?
Looks like I’m the only man up to the task, it won’t be long till Mei Lan’s in a casket
Going on a patriotic killing spree to put an endto her socialist creed
From each according to his ability
To each according to his need

(CHORUS)

What’s black and white and red all over? The panda enclosure by the time this is over
Gonna bleed that little bear till it’s dead dead dead. Did you know that pandas bleed communist red?
I’ve got a knife, gonna stab it to death and watch the baby panda take its final breath
So long Mei Lan, it’s sure been swell
Say hello to Mao when you see him in hell!

(CHORUS 2X)

She Made My Heart Walk the Plank

She set me out to sea
on a red sky morning
She called me a scurvy dog
It came without a warning
She said she’s through with me
And my drinking and my lies
So I said “fuck you bitch,
I hope you fucking die”

(CHORUS)
She made my heart walk the plank
Arrrr Arrrr Arrrr Arrrr
She made my heart walk the plank
Arrrr Arrrr Arrrr Arrrr

That wench left me alone,
It’s time to drink some ale
I’m headed to the pub
To raise a little hell
I think I’ll start a fight
Or make out with some whore
Then down a few more beers
'Til I pass out on the floor

(CHORUS)

At first I was a little sad
That you’d gone away
But the beer helps me forget
That I cared anyway
Now I’ve got 12 mugs down
And another 12 to go
All me hardies shout together
YO HO HO!

(CHORUS)

Women are all crazy
And I'm tired of their shit
Just because I'm always drunk
They go and throw a fit
This song is dedicated to all
The women I’ve pissed off
I’m gonna keep on drinking
You can all fuck off

(CHORUS 2X)

I used to know this girl
I met her in a village
On the coast of an island
We were about to pillage

Thought we were so happy
Can't believe what happened
She abandoned my ship
To sail with another captain

I thought she was the one
But she was just a skank
That's the last time I let a bitch
Make my heart walk the plank

They Shoot Hipsters, Don’t They?

I buy all my clothes at a “vintage boutique”
All of my t-shirts are older than me
My pants are too tight but I think they look great
I found them in a box labeled 1988

(CHORUS)
That's how you know I'm just a
Hipster douchebag
Baby, you know I'm just a
Hipster douchebag

You’re probably wondering what’s on my upper lip
It’s an ironic mustache, aren’t I just the shit?
I blog the most obscure mp3s in the land 
Even Pitchfork’s never heard of my favorite band

(CHORUS)

Blockin’ all the traffic while I’m riding on my bike
Just me and my posse, Faster Mustache for life
Decatur Social Club is where I get my kicks
I hope Preston plays that newDFA remix

(CHORUS)

Titty City

There’s a little club I know. Let’s go there tonight
Just stop at the ATM up here on the right
We’re gonna need a whole lotta dough, we’re gonna need some cash
To tip all the single mothers on stage shaking their ass
It's the kinda place where we all love to go

(CHORUS)
Wanna go
Wanna go
Wanna go
To Titty City
Titty City
Titty City
Wanna go
Wanna go
Wanna go
To Titty City
Titty City
Titty City

There’s a little bar I know. It’s just up the street
Man the dancers there have got titties that can’t be beat
Sitting down front I get as excited as can be
Whenever the DJ plays ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’
Cause that’s the stripper anthem, y’all.

(CHORUS)

Titties!
Titties!
Titties!
Titties!

(CHORUS)

Yeah Yeah Jager

By the end of tonight I’ll be blackout drunk
Need a few shots To get me outta this funk
Jagermeister is what I want to drink
Throwing back shots Until I can’t even think

Yeah Yeah Jager
Yeah Yeah Jager

Served ice cold, it’s a tasty treat
Like a licorice whip to knock you off your feet
If I don’t throw up the night’s not a success
Drinking’s only fun when it’s too excess

Yeah Yeah Jager
Yeah Yeah Jager

No, I won’t take a jager bomb with you
I think that’s the dumbest thing you could do
Let’s get some ice cold shots in our hand
Drink ‘em all down and do it again!

Yeah Yeah Jager
Yeah Yeah Jager
Yeah Yeah Jager
Yeah!

ABC

Put the coffee down
Coffee is for closers
Put the coffee down
Coffee is for closers
You think I'm fucking with you?
I am not fucking with you

You can't close your leads
You can't close shit
You can't close your leads
You can't close shit
You are shit
Hit the bricks, pal

(CHORUS)
ABC
Always be closing
ABC
Always be closing
A Always
B Be
C Closing

(BRIDGE)
We're adding something to the sales contest
First prize is a Cadillac El Dorado
Wanna see second prize?
Second prize is a set of steak knives
Third prize is you're fired

What's your name? What's your name?
Fuck you, that's my name (8x)

(CHORUS 2x)

Bathroom Blitz

Woke up hung over, my clothes all smelly
I got the bubble guts deep down in my belly
There's a rumbly in my tumbly and something ain't right
Oh, why did I drink so much last night?

Left the bar around three, went to waffle house and ate
Never should have ordered that patty melt plate
Or the double hasbrowns with extra ketchup
Now I feel like my ass is about to throw up

It's a bathroom blitz, I've got the beer shits
Waking up with diarrhea is really the pits
Not Crohn's or colitis that's giving me fits
It's my own damn fault, I've got the beer shits

Now I'm painting the bowl hangover black
Can't get no relief from this bear attack
Doubled over on the john, stomach in knots
Starting to regret those last five shots

It's a bathroom blitz, I've got the beer shits
Waking up with diarrhea is really the pits
Not Crohn's or colitis that's giving me fits
It's my own damn fault, I've got the beer shits

I just can't shake this feeling down below
So I reach in my cabinet to grab the Pepto
Or maybe I should take some Immodium AD
Oh shit... I'm out of TP

It's a bathroom blitz, I've got the beer shits
Waking up with diarrhea is really the pits
Not Crohn's or colitis that's giving me fits
It's my own damn fault, I've got the beer shits

Bluetooth/Blackeye

Who the hell you talking to?
Get that thing out your ear
We're in line at the bank
I don't really want to hear
Your dumbass conversation
I want to puch you in the face
King of the douche bags
You're a fucking disgrace

Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye

if you were driving in your car
It's safer to use bluetooth
But when you're in line at the grocery store
It's simply uncouth
If I had a baseball bat
I'd swing it at your head
And if I had shotgun
Then you'd be fucking dead

Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye

You're the kind of asshole
that needs a good cock punch
I'd like to drop an anvil on your head
and hear the satisfying crunch
Of your skull being smashed
along with your ear piece
Now there's no chance your stupid voice
will be disturbing my peace

Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye

Chemistry Class

Your regular teacher is out with the flu
So Professor Phoebe's going to guide you through
a chemistry lesson you're going to love
So grab a beaker and some rubber gloves

Two carbon atoms is all you need
Now, add five Hydrogens if you please
A hydroxyl molecule's ingredient three
Now that's what I call chemistry

C2H5OH y'all
hydroxyethane or ethanol
Drink too much, it'll make you crawl
It's the chemical formula for alcohol

Now it's time for your final exam
Believe me, there's no need to cram
As you may have already guessed
This won't be your average chemistry test

Under each desk is a case of beer
And a fifth of everclear
You've gotta drink it all if you want to pass
Hope you've enjoyed my Chemistry class

C2H5OH y'all
hydroxyethane or ethanol
Drink too much, it'll make you crawl
It's the chemical formula for alcohol

C2H5OH y'all
hydroxyethane or ethanol
Try to walk, you'll trip and fall
Drunk dial your friends, punch a hole in the wall
Think you're bulletproof and 10 feet tall
Find yourself in a drunken brawl
Give your ex-girlfriend a call
It's the chemical formula for alcohol

Death Skull Napalm Sword

Born of hell
The demon's tail
Death skull napalm sword
Cuts through bone
The witch's moan
Death skull napalm sword
Flaming revenge
You can't defend
Death skull napalm sword
Skeletal remains
Will eat your brains
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword

The dragon’s tooth
Will be the proof
Death skull napalm sword
Taste the blade
That Satan made
Death skull napalm sword
Raining blood
A crimson flood
Death skull napalm sword
Flaming death
Your final breathe
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword

DUI

Baby I’m sorry to call so late
After I no showed for our big date
But I got a good excuse
I’m sure you’ll agree
The state patrol took me into custody

I didn’t really think I was quite that drunk
But the policeman didn’t agree
Now I’m sitting in
the county jailhouse
And I’m facing DUI number three

DUI was on my way to see you
When I got pulled over in my car
DUI had just a few too many
And now I’m sitting behind bars

They had me out of my car and walking a line
They said I stumbled, I thought I did fine
Gave the breathalyzer a couple of puffs
Next thing you know I'm in hand cuffs

Baby you know that you're my best girl
For you I'd do anything in the world
Now I know you're probably mad as hell
But could you come down here and pay my bail?

DUI was on my way to see you
When I got pulled over in my car
DUI had just a few too many
And now I’m sitting...
DUI remember blue lights flashing
And I just didn’t know what to do
DUI had to say the alphabet backwards
And when I blew in that machine, it said point two!

FYSU

If you're ever on safari in Africa
and there's a hippopotamus running after ya
better climb a tree or grab your 12 gauge
There's nothing worse than a hippo that's been enraged
They kill more people each year than crocodiles
Remember this song when rafting down the Nile

(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A hippopotomus
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A hippopotomus
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up

Next time you're visiting Indonesia
and a komodo dragon happens to see ya
Better run away as fast as you can
Cause they've got no problem eating a grown man
Mouths full of germs, they've got toxic jaws
And all four feet are covered in claws

(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
Komodo dragons
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
Komodo dragons
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up

Now there's one more animal you should avoid
Take on a honey badger and you'll be destroyed
They shake off a snake bite like it's no thing
and don't give a fuck about a hundred bee stings
They go for your genitals when they attack
If you're facing one down better watch your sack

(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A honey badger
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A honey badger
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up

I Lost My Black Hoodie (at the Masquerade)

Heading down to North Avenue
All ages show at the Masquerade
Teenagers all dressed in black
Crowd looks like an emo parade

Band hit the stage, the kids went wild
It was getting pretty hot in the circle pit
Stepped to the bar, took off my black hoodie
Just wanted to cool down a bit

One hour later and the show is done
Stopped by the bar on my way to the door
Looking all around for my black hoodie
But my black hoodie wasn't there anymore

CHORUS
I Lost My Black Hoodie at the Masquerade
I Lost My Black Hoodie at the Masquerade
You just can't trust goth kids today
I Lost My Black Hoodie at the Masquerade

I looked for my hoodie all through the crowd
Trying to find someone to blame
But when I looked around the Masquerade
The teenagers all looked the same

Dumb haircuts and skinny jeans
Girls with too much lip gloss
And they all had on black hoodies
Just like the one I lost!

CHORUS

Largemouth

Bass fishin'
Bass fishin'
Bass fishin'
Bass fishin'

Tackle box
Rod and reel
Trolling motor
Cooler of beer
Bass fishin'

(Repeat 4x)
Bill Dance
Bill Dance
Bill Dance, motherfucker
Bill Dance

Beetle spin
Rattle trap
Crank bait
We're going
Bass fishin'

Sock Man

You need some socks
What do you do?
The sock man will take care of you
Someone stole your socks
Your feet are bare
Buy new socks! Buy 30 pairs!

30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks
30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks
30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks
30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks

(Repeat)

Stomp and Stammer

Jeff Clark is a shithead
He's an asshole
He's a goddamn son of a bitch
He don't like our band
And guess what! We don't like him

I heard he molests children
and he's in the KKK
he burns down black churches
and he's a charter member of NAMBLA
He jerks off to child porn
And helped the government invent AIDS
To kill all the homosexuals
and he's easily the ugliest dude I've ever seen

Jeff Clark is a shithead
He's an asshole
He's a goddamn son of a bitch
He don't like our band
And guess what! We don't like him

He advocates female circumcision
and he doesn't recycle
I heard he listens to Toby Keith
and kills elephants for their ivory
He was a Nazi sympathizer
in London during the Blitz
I heard he kicks kittens
and he masterminded 9/11

Jeff Clark is a shithead
He's an asshole
He's a goddamn son of a bitch
He don't like our band
And guess what! We don't like him

He can suck our dicks
He can suck our dicks
Jeff Clark can suck our dicks

I heard he shot John Lennon and
He kills hookers just for the thrill
He fixed the 2000 presidential election
and helped the CIA distribute crack cocaine
to lower income black communities in the 1980's
and he took a shit in your coffee pot
You didn't notice? Take another look
Jeff Clark shit in your coffee pot

Jeff Clark is a shithead
He's an asshole
He's a goddamn son of a bitch
He don't like our band
And guess what! We don't like him
don't like him
don't like him
don't like him
don't like him

Surfing or AIDS (I'll Take Surfing)

Summer time's here
and it's time to have some fun
Load my board in my woodie
gonna show 'em how it's done
But the beach is closed down
There's been a toxic spill
of medical waste
No, This is not a drill

Syringes and needles
are floating in the seas
I wanna go surfing
Not catch a disease
I grab a haz-mat suit
Gonna give it a whirl
next thing you know
I'm shooting the curl

(CHORUS)
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!

Now I'm hanging ten
riding on a killer wave
feelin' like a big kahuna
headed to an early grave
On Biohazard Bay
no one as brave as me
Hope I don't end up
like my man Eazy-E

I'm having fun in the sun
Yeah, I'm having a blast
As strips of bloody gauze
go floating past
I scream cowabunga!
And wipe out in the sea
If they can cure Magic Johnson
then why not me?

(CHORUS 2X)

The Ancient Cry of the Tyrannosaur

Flying through space
Unseen and unheard
An asteroid six miles wide
Hurtling towards earth
At a deadly pace
Destruction when it collides

Dinosaurs grazing
Or hunting their prey
The blast would catch them by surprise
Taste flaming death
Or frozen starvation
Hear the Tyrannosaur’s cry!

(CHORUS)
Death from above
Reign down like fire
Death from above
Tribute required
Death from above
Life on the brink
In just a few years
They’ll all be extinct

Stalking charred landscape
Searching for food
She’s desperate to survive
Small group of duckbills
Weak from the famine
They’ll be her supper tonight

Chase down the slowest
Cut off from the herd
It’s over in just one bite
The crunch of bone snapping
Blood on the plains
Hear the Tyrannosaur’s cry

(BRIDGE)
Run run, Triceratops
Run run, Triceratops
T-Rex on your tail
She's gonna eat you up

Run run, Triceratops
Run run, Triceratops
T-Rex on your tail
She's gonna make you her lunch

(CHORUS 2X)

Wasabi Mayonnaise

It's time for lunch, don't want something lame
I hate it when my sandwiches are always the same
Little bit of turkey and a slice of cheese
These boring ass sandwiches are like a disease
Infecting my lunch hour every day
What I need is some Trader Joe's wasabi mayonaise

CHORUS
Whoa oh, Trader Joe's
Everyone get in the car, let's go
I don't want no mustard or miracle whip
I want a condiment that's really hip
Wasabi mayonaise
I want Trader Joe's wasabi mayonaise

Eating out every day is just too pricey
And brown deli mustard is just not spicey
Enough for me, I need something with kick
I need a refill on my green mayo quick
Trader Joe's is like my sandwich pharmacy
And wasabi mayonaise is the prescription I need

Repeat first chorus

Whoa oh, Trader Joe's
Everyone get in the car, let's go
I've got a three bells emergency
Gotta stop this dull sandwich insurgency
with wasabi mayonaise
I want Trader Joe's wasabi mayonaise

Zombie House

It's late at night
and you're hungry for flesh
I know a place
where the meat's always fresh

If you feast upon the livng
It's got what you need
it's where all the undead go
when they wannna feed

(CHORUS)
Zombie House
Whoa oh oh
Zombie House
Whoa oh oh

You're fresh from the grave
and there's no one in sight
How you gonna find some food
this late at night?

Double order of guts
with a side of brains
This diner caters to
reanimated remains

(CHORUS)

(BRIDGE)
We're servin' up brains eight different ways
You can get them 24 hours a day
Scattered on the grill and covered with cheese
Now smother those brains with onions if you please
Chunked with ham and capped with shrooms
Get your brains diced and topped if you've got the room
Or maybe do peppered brains for a spicy test
Zombie House brains are simply the best

(CHORUS 2X)

(I Wanna Get) Gay Married

I wanna get gay married 
I just don't understand why you care 
Why is it such a bad thing 
For two men to exchange rings 
But it's OK for them to cut your hair 

I wanna get gay married 
but you say God hates fags and we should all beware 
You're such a fucking hypocrite 
And you can't seem to admit 
If I go to hell, I'm sure I'll see you there 

Gay married 
Gay married 
I wanna get 
Gay married 
Gay married 

I wanna get gay married 
and it's no one's business but my own 
I'd tell you to suck my dick 
but it would probably make you sick 
cause you're such a fucking homophobe 

I wanna get gay married 
Yeah married in Westboro Baptist Church 
You tell all those Fred Phelps fucks 
That I hate their fucking guts 
They can take their picket signs and shove 'em up their ass 

Gay married 
Gay married 
I wanna get 
Gay married 
Gay married 

We wanna get gay married 
And on the day we can finally say "I do" 
We'll raise our middle fingers in the air 
Our middle fingers in the air 
Tell all of the theocrats "fuck you!" 

Gay married 
Gay married 
I wanna get 
Gay married 
Gay married

Prestone Cocktail

Hey Bartender 
Pour me your stiffest drink 
Hey Bartender 
Gonna get too drunk to think 
You see I got this little girl 
Been lying to my face 
Running round with my friend 
Saw her car parked at his place 

Since I found out 
I been working on a master plan 
I'm DIY 
No need to hire a hitman 
You know I got it all mapped out 
The first step is a breeze 
Goin' down to Autozone 
To buy some Antifreeze 

Antifreeze 
Antifreeze 
Antifreeze 
I'm going to put 
Antifreeze in her drink 

It don't take much 
Just a swallow or two 
It tastes real sweet 
So she won't have a clue 
That there's engine coolant 
Running through her veins 
Fucking up her kidneys 
and fucking up her brain 

Antifreeze AKA Propylene Glycol 
It'll kill your ass 
even if the dose is small 
I'm gonna slip it in her drink 
Sit back and watch the fun 
It's less messy than a knife 
Less noisy than a gun 

Antifreeze 
Antifreeze 
Antifreeze 
I'm going to put 
Antifreeze in her drink

Eat Shit and Die

Girl, we've been together for so long 
How could our relationship go so wrong? 
Now all I can do is sit and wonder why 

I don't want you to be my friend 
I'm not going to sit here and pretend 
There's anything left to say, except goodbye 

I thought we could Westley and Buttercup 
How could I know that you'd do something so fucked up? 
Now all I want you to do is eat shit and die 

Eat shit and die 
Eat shit and die 
All I want you to do is 
Eat shit and die 
You ain't nothin' but a two-faced liar 
I wouldn't piss on you 
if your pants were on fire 
Yeah, all I want you to do is 
Eat shit and die 

Now, other girls have hurt me bad 
But none of them have made me quite this sad 
My heart was the target, you hit the bullseye 

So I'm going to the bar to drink all night 
After half a dozen whiskeys I just might 
Figure out how our love went so awry 

If I had to pick the time and place 
I'd say it's when you fucked my friend and lied to my face 
Now all I want you to do is eat shit and die 

Eat shit and die 
Eat shit and die 
All I want you to do is 
Eat shit and die 
You're a goddamned two-faced liar 
I wouldn't piss on you 
if your pants were on fire 
Yeah, all I want you to do is 
Eat shit and die

I Made Out With Your Mom

I was at the grocery store 
In the cereal aisle 
When I saw a pretty lady 
And I gave her a smile 

As I grabbed the Lucky Charms 
She gave me a wink 
I thought she looked familiar 
And I had to stop and think 

The next thing I knew 
She was rubbing on my chest 
Her tongue was in my ear 
And my hands were on her breasts 

I knew I’d seen her before 
Yeah, she recognized me too 
And that’s when it hit me 
She kinda looked like you 

I made out with your mom 
I made out with your mom 
There’s no need to be alarmed 
Your mom could not resist my charms 
I made out with your mom 

I know it was wrong 
I wish I could take it back 
But she just looked so sexy 
In those high-waist denim slacks 

You seem quite upset 
Yeah, I can tell by your face 
But don't worry, man 
I only made it to third base 
with your mom 

I made out with your mom 
I made out with your mom 
There’s no need to be alarmed 
Your mom could not resist my charms 
I made out with your mom 

I made out with your mom 
I made out with your mom 
There’s no need to be alarmed 
Just tryin' to find some Lucky Charms 
I made out with your mom

© 2009 Attractive Eighties Women. Some rights reserved.